Know what is inner child

“Children are born loving their parents, and they’re born assuming their parents love them. Their relationship with the family they are born into is their first taste of human connection, and thus, their first taste of love. It doesn’t matter if we in our adult perspective look backwards and say: ‘That was NOT a loving household…’ A child does not know any different than this version of love that exists in their home. Because of this, they associate love with home. The way that they felt in their home and in their relationship with their parents becomes their definition of love” 

First years of life are spent mainly with our parents or caretakers, the relationship formed with them in these early years sets the tone for how we behave in our adulthood either in relationships with others or just for life in general. Every child, including those from the happiest or most functional of homes, experiences some level of rejection, sadness, or “trauma” (no matter how big or small). Unless these wounds were properly healed we are most likely still carrying them in our subconscious. When these emotional wounds are brought into our conscious awareness they will manifest in our outward life, which means we will keep finding our self in the same “problems” in our relationships with others until the light of awareness, healing and love is brought to the inner child inside of us. We have to bring the memories back up, only then we can accept them. We accept the fact that our parents literally gave us the best they could give. Once we know this, we can find it easier to offer at least some sort of empathy as to why they behaved in the way they did, and eventually forgive them completely. Once we have transmuted old hurts into love we are able to offer more love to all the people in our lives. 

Know how words can change your reality

Words have a specific vibrational frequencies which can influence our DNA. Our body can be programmed by language, words and thought.

The words we use shape not only our belief systems, values and feelings but impact our physical bodies on a cellular level; shaping the foundation of our reality. This means it’s important to choose our words wisely.

Here are some ways words can transform your realities:

1) Express yourself honestly

An honest expression is extremely important. Every feeling and thought you have is valid. When you try to hold it instead of letting it out, you will feel your emotional body struggling in its attempt to break free.

Solution- Acceptance is the foremost step for transformation . Express all your negative emotions and replace them with positive affirmations.

2) Stop negative self-talk

Negative words and phrases like ‘ugly’, ‘fat’, ‘I can’t’ and ‘I hate’ as these words create negative frequencies of worthlessness, suffering and fear.

When you want to express a negative emotion or thought, use words like ‘I feel’ or ‘I prefer’ over ‘I hate’ and ‘I can’t’.

Solution- Use positive words like ‘loving, grateful, superb, beautiful, thriving, energized, healthy, creative, incredible.' It will transform your feelings and impressions of yourself.

3) Feed the emotional body with a healthy vocabulary

Just like our bodies respond better to balanced fresh meals, our emotional bodies need to be encouraged, loved and cared for.

Solution- Repeat to yourself, 

“I am good enough” 

“I am strong and capable”

“Wherever I am, whatever I do and whoever I become, I am safe and I am loved” 

“I open myself up to love and light.”

This will incite great confidence and ease within you. It will free you from anxiety and fear as you start to function out of love.

6 DON’Ts for over-worrying, over-focusing on your child and being a helicopter parent

1• Don’t hover over your child. Don’t tie your 5-year-old’s shoes when he/she can tie or dress him/her when they can dress themselves. 

2• Avoid talking to their teachers incessantly, or answer all your child’s questions so they don't have to think of answers. 

3• If your children hesitate to make their own decisions, try not to jump in and do it for them. let them reason it out on their own if they can. 

4• Allow them to feel discomfort or pain; it’s part of growing up. Don’t prevent them from struggling or rescue them from life’s hardships. 

5• Don’t try to get all your emotional needs met by your child. If you’re there at his beck-and-call and over-functioning for him (in other words, doing for him what he can do for himself), he’ll have a hard time functioning on his own in the world. 

6• Don’t take it personally if your child doesn’t agree with you, or does things differently from you. If you get in your child’s head, he won’t be able to hear his own thoughts and beliefs. Even if he thinks differently than you, don’t argue with him over it—instead, invite him to tell you more. Don’t shut him down when he has ideas or opinions that are different from the ones you would like him to have, or insist on having the last word. 

Children can’t learn if their parents are always doing it for them.

What’s the right approach? 

I always suggest , “Pretend there’s a line delineating what you believe your kid can handle and what he or she can’t. Now, put your toe over it, just a little.” Let your kids try to do things that are just beyond what you think they can handle. In psychology, it is called the “expectancy effect." Let your child experience the consequences of his actions. Let go of constant worry as a parent, and realize you can’t control everything your kids do—you can only respond to how they behave. Try to see their strengths as well as their struggles. You can avoid over-worrying and being a helicopter parent if you work on developing strong relationships with your children by getting to know them for who they are. This will allow you to let go of hovering, doing too much for your kids and worrying about them all the time, and best of all, it will help you become a calmer, more peaceful parent. 

Recognize your frozen inner child

We all have secrets and most of us have had some wounds tied to our inner child. Our wounds could be result of a childhood friend moving away, physical or psychological abuse, or a broken family, the resulting pain will live with us for the rest of our lives; and we may be reminded of the pain unexpectedly. If we do inner-child work by connecting to the little boy or girl within us, we can reconnect with some of the reasons for our adult fears, phobias. and life patterns. When we begin to understand them, then magic, healing, and transformation can occur.

Behavioural patterns playing out in our lives based on frozen Inner child.

1.) The RESCUER:

Rescuers please parents for love and others call them goody/ teacher's pet.

Result- Later in life, they like victims and like to rescue people to make sure victims are dependent on them because it make them feel in control and needed.

2.) The RATIONALIZER: 

Rationalizers live in their head because it is safest. They are mostly disconnected from their own emotions because they can't deal with feelings. Most of the times, in their childhood they were instructed not to cry, show anger and express their feelings.

Result- Later in life, they do not remember the last time they got angry/upset.

3.) The REBEL: Rebels like to control parents or people around. They get attention by being naughty or by making fuss.

Result- Later in life, they like to shock and often get angry because people won't do what they want them to do.

4.) The VICTIM> Victims get attention by sobbing, crying or by not being well. They easily get hurt and they think that by crying people around them pour love.

Result- They see faults in everyone around. They can't take their own responsibility because If they take no one will look after them or give them attention.

5.) The ACHIEVER:  Achievers try harder and harder to prove to their parents and get love in return.

Result- Later in life, they become workaholics and over stressed because they think that without success they will be tagged as failure and they won't be loved.

6.) The PLEASER:

 Pleasers supress their own feelings for others' happiness. According to them if they will please people, they gonna like pleasers and if people will feel happy they won't reject pleasers.

Result-They don't value their self. Later, they will anything for quite life and always remain guilty. they only can relax when everyone has everything they want.

How can you overcome social anxiety?

Social Anxiety can be very discomforting. To free yourself from this prison, you will have to rewire your brain with new thoughts that take time to cement in the brain. 

1. The change cannot happen overnight: People often try out strategies and when they do not work, they give up. Remember that rewiring the brain can take months, but trying to change your thoughts over months could save you years of unnecessary anxiety. So remember, that when you try out any thought change, the brain will initially resist this. The one way to overcome brain resistance is with dedicated and repeated practice. 

2. You are not the only person with personal secrets: We often make assumptions that we are the only people with secrets. Understand that you are not the only one with secrets. 

3. Insecurity and security are two sides of the same coin: Those people who claim to be "secure" have not shown their insecurity. They have simply learned to redirect their attention to their strengths rather than their weaknesses. Brain circuits of opposite emotions are on most of the time. Where you place your attention is what you will feel. It is similar to courage and fear. 

4. You have more to say than you think: People often feel socially anxious because they are afraid that they would have nothing to say. But this happens because they are constantly thinking of what they "should" say rather than what they want to say. Grant yourself the permission to speak spontaneously. In fact, many other people at these parties feel the same kind of nervousness. Some suggestions of ice-breakers: "Hi! How are you? I Just thought it would be better to connect than stand alone" (Honesty often gets a giggle and can start a great conversation) "How are you? I love your....(shoes, dress or bag)" (compliments set the tone for a positive start). 

5. Social anxiety is really personal discomfort: Social anxiety is not really social at all. So ask yourself: how can I be more self-accepting? To be self-accepting requires that you see that perfection does not exist.