Being a psychologist, I often meet parents who are facing problems with their children's behaviour. I also hear the best of intentions in their explanations. So if you are a parent, this piece of information may be very useful for you. Here's what I tell them and what I want to remind you of now.
Emotions: It is so important to remember that as parents, you are your child’s first and most important teacher. It is especially true when it comes to learning the skill of managing emotions. While this ability is something parents often take for granted. Just like you help your children learn how to walk, read or ride a bike; handling emotions well is a skill that has to be taught. And a child can never learn to handle emotions without an adult by his/her side. Children use their behavior to show how they're feeling and what they're thinking.
Lying: When kids want attention, misbehavior is often a great means of getting it. Many parents complaint that their child is lying. If your child is lying means you overreacted to his/her mistakes in past. Ignoring negative behavior and praising positive behavior is one of the best ways to deal with the little lies of your child.
Role Model: Kids learn to behave by watching others. Whether a child sees another child misbehaving at school or they're copying something they've seen on TV; Pay attention to what your children are exposed to. Role model healthy behavior to teach your child the right way to behave.
Anger: If your child gets angry quickly, the reason could be you have not praised them enough. My recommendation to a parent whose child has low self -esteem is to give less advice or instructions to the child. Rather encouragement will be a panacea for his / her low self-esteem. It will help your child gain healthy self-esteem quickly.
Weakness: Another common issue is, when your child behaves like a weakling. The possible reason could be you help too quickly. Don't remove every obstacle from their path. Let them learn to deal with some of their problems on their own.
Jealousy: Just like adults, children can experience jealousy. Often parents' first reaction is to scold or shame the child but this often makes the situation worse. Jealousy is a natural emotion that all of us experience. When parents compare their child consistently, children develop this tendency. My advice is to stop comparing and spend special time alone with the child while he is experiencing jealousy.
Disorders: Sometimes children have mental health issues like ADHD, communication disorder, learning disorder etc. As a result, they struggle to follow directions, feel depressed, aggressive and behave impulsively. If you suspect your child is having behavioral or mental issues then talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist for an evaluation. They are adept at understanding and finding creative solutions to your child's difficulties and can offer you ways of coping at home that can lessen or even end your child's bad behaviour.
Remember, as a parent you are your child’s most important teacher, make it worth the while, by holding your child in their highest. When you see children as they are, you see them with their flaws and this shows in your behavior and their reaction towards your behaviour. When you see them as they can be, then your energy, your choice of words and your behavior will bring out the best in your child. It is up to you. This is simple to understand and yet difficult to execute. Keeping at it will help you develop this as a way of being and will help your child’s growth at multiple levels.
I truly believe,'' Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.''
